I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
