Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
