Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
