Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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