He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
