This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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