when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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