Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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