all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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