yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
