how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
