yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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