your thong is hanging out like whoa
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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