Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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