So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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