So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
