If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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