I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
