So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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