I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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