I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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