Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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