Who did Billy Mays play for?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
