I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
