I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
