Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I did not marry a roomba.
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