I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
