i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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