Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
