You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
