Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
