I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
