Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
