He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
