I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
