dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
even my farts smell like vagina
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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