I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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