i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
