mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
