fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
