well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
