no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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