you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
