She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
