We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
