i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
