Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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