She's JV to your varsity
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
