she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
