The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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