u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
