I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i've created a new STD.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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