I wannas sexs uuuuu
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
BRING THE BAGELS
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
