I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
